Moment of Truth: I Deserve to Be Happy

by Misty K on September 25, 2009

This season of Biggest Loser focuses on second chances (people who have overcome horrible obstacles in life but have become obese in the process.) When Bob was working with Shay, a woman who grew up with a heroin-addicted mother, he brought her to tears when he asked her to believe that she deserves happiness.

This really got to me. Although my story is nowhere near as dramatic as Shay’s, I was raised in an abusive home with an alcoholic father. During alcohol-fueled rages, my dad would rip me to pieces. I was ugly, stupid, bad. Nothing I ever did was right. And then there was the physical abuse, but that’s the topic for another blog.

Somewhere along the way, I started believing the rants and the insults. If my own dad thought I was an idiot, I must be. I also became a perfectionist. If I could not do something perfectly, I just wouldn’t do it. Why make a mistake and risk his wrath and humiliation?

During the Biggest Loser, a light went off. I thought I had conquered the demons of my childhood, but it’s just not true. Sure, I am a loving mother and wife, I’m a kind person, but do I treat myself with love? I don’t think so. I’ve gotten locked in a horrible cycle of binging and fasting. Everything I do tends to be extreme. It’s like I’m subconsciously punishing myself. For what? For being unlovable to my own dad? For being unable to stand up to him? For allowing myself to be abused? For allowing myself to become overweight in the first place?

None of it matters now. Now I see it clearly and I can start letting it go. I am a good person and, to quote trainer Bob and Shay, “I deserve to be happy!”


Permalink | Views: 0

<< Previous Post Next Post >>

0 Comments